In this farewell, there's no blood, no alibi
by EternityOx
Summary: Lily and Severus realize it's time they go their seperate ways, especially now she has James. However, can they keep lying to themselves during their last night together? Somewhat smutty, but with plenty of emotion
1. In this farewell

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and I do not make any money from these writings

Author's Note; I absolutely love these two together and quite honestly, I hate James Potter. He's an asshole. But I won't start any rants. This is going to be longer than I thought. It was originally going to be one chapter, but instead, I will make it...two or three, no longer than that though. The next chapter is going to pretty much just a bunch of smut. I warn you, this will not have a happy ending because...I don't do happy endings most of the time. xD I'm a depressive moron, so what? I really hope you al like this. I'm not sure if you will, but meh. It's my first story so I have an excuse. xD  
Song that suits this chapter/story; Leave Out All The Rest – Linkin Park.  
From Severus' point of view.

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"We can't see each other anymore, Severus."

The words had stung more than anything. Severus had no idea where to look; all he knew was he could not look at her, too afraid of what he might see, too afraid that if he saw tears glistening her eyes, tears might just glisten in his. He knew that she was staring at him, her large emerald orbs full of...well; he wasn't sure what they were full off considering he refused to look her way. All he knew was he could feel her intent stare, practically hear her silent begs and pleads to look at her, to at least show her some sign that he cared, perhaps even stop her. He wanted to do these things. A voice in his head was calling him a complete idiot for not doing these things. He couldn't though; what sort of man would that make him? What sort of Slytherin would that make him; to beg a Gryffindor not to leave him?

She wasn't just a Gryffindor though. This was Lily Evans. This was the woman he loved; the only woman he had loved and my god, he had been in love with her for so long now. It had always felt so strong; the days he used to watch her doing magic, but never actually approached her. The times they spent together before going to Hogwarts, learning about magic together, her being there for him when his parents neglected him, her offering him the affection that no one else ever had, being nice to him when no one else bothered. Hogwarts had fucked everything up though, with their stupid house rivalries. His Slytherin friends had fucked everything up – if you could even call them friends, with their stupid beliefs. James Potter had fucked everything up by swooping in and sweeping Lily off of her feet. It wasn't just them though. Severus knew he was to blame too; it had been him that had called her a mud blood that fatal day, hadn't it? It had been him who had laughed whenever his friends mocked her. It was him, standing here now, making no attempt to stop her from leaving.

He knew where she would be going when she left too; back to her new lover, back to Potter. Gone were the days when Lily used to sit cross legged on the grounds of Hogwarts, bitching about James and vowing that she would never touch him with a ten foot barge pole. Somehow, James had managed to convince her he was actually worth her love. What a ridiculous thought. If he had been in a better situation, he might have sneered at the thought. He was still very tempted to now, but he managed to hold back. He knew James was the reason they couldn't see each other anymore. James...and Severus' involvement with a name people were beginning to fear. He and Lily were from two opposite worlds now. They were both fresh out of school, her soon-to-be nineteen, him only just nineteen and they were going their separate ways. She wanted to fight the good fight...he was moving closer and closer to the bad side as the days went by. They might even have to fight each other one day. The thought made him shudder. It wasn't as if he wanted to be involved anymore, but once you got involved, you couldn't just walk away. You could never just walk away from him. Then there was the whole jealousy factor; James didn't like Lily near Severus. It was a common fact that James and Severus hated each other. It was ridiculous! Where did James get off telling her who she could and couldn't see? Why, if she was his girl – if she was his girl, he would probably do the same and tell her that he didn't want near James.

His shoulders slumped and he knew that there was nothing he could do; nothing he could say. He knew this had been coming; he had been waiting for it for so long, but hoping, praying that it would not come. However, every day that passed, his and Lily's friendship grew thinner and thinner, holding onto nothing but a thin piece of string and that string was about to break. This was inevitable.

"Severus, please look at me." Her voice was so pleading and it shook slightly – was she close to crying? Oh god, the thought of her flawless, pale face having tears streaming down it...he had seen her cry before. Those times Petunia had taken the arguments too far, that time when the doctors had thought her mother had cancer, the time he called her a mud blood and begged for forgiveness...oh yes, he had seen her cry so many times and each time, it tore at his heart. Yanked at it and tugged at it, clenched it into a fist and then stretched it just to add more pain. He couldn't deny her though and eventually, after taking in a deep breath, he turned his head to look at her. His eyes were hard at first, sharp and glaring in her direction. And then he saw that her eyes were glistening; she was close to crying. His shoulders slumped dejectedly and his face softened, top teeth biting down on her bottom lip.

Even with tears in her eyes, she was gorgeous. Her hair was as neat as ever, flowing down her back and wrapping over her shoulders like a main of fire. Her emerald eyes were brighter than ever, drawing him in, making his heart thud harder against his chest, just like they always did, and making his stomach clench in knots. She was the only female capable of making him feel like this. She would probably always be the only female ever able to make him feel like this. "Lily, please." His voice sounded so unlike him and the two words left his lips before he could even realize what he was saying.

The pleading whisper broke Lily's own heart. She loved James Potter; she truly did, but she was not in love with him. She had known for a long time that she was and always would be in love with Severus. So many things about him irritated her; the fact he would never cut his hair, the annoying hair that hid his beautiful eyes. The fact he refused to show emotion, the fact he was so goddamn stubborn and would never admit that he was wrong. The fact nothing was ever his fault, he always tried to find someone else to blame. But there were so many things that she adored; his smile, the way his eyes sparkled when he dared to smile, the way his eyes softened every time he looked at her, the way he would wrinkle his nose up if she said something he didn't like, the way he would never hesitate to take her petite hand in his large one if she were upset...his good qualities definitely overcame his bad ones. Yes, she was in love with Severus Snape. She could never be with him though. She had known for a long time that it would never work; they were from two different worlds. They were the beauty and the beast – despite the fact he was a very handsome man – except without the happy ending. He would never turn out to be her prince.

"Sev, you have to understand. James and I are happy. We are. It's not fair on any of us, especially you, if we were to remain close. You're always going to want more and I can't give you that." This wasn't the first time they had spoken about their feelings. It was the second. It had taken them forever to even admit it to each other. Severus had plucked up the courage to tell her one night, during seventh year. There had been a party in the Slytherin Common Room and it was safe to say that he had drunk a little bit of courage – courage being fire whiskey. He hadn't even meant to tell her. He had stumbled into her and they had argued at first. He had asked her what she was doing and she had demanded to know why he cared. They hadn't been getting on for ages. One thing led to another and he had somehow kissed her. It hadn't been romantic like they had both imagined so many times. It had been sloppy and he had missed her mouth. She had told him that he smelt like the Leaky Cauldron. She had asked him what he thought he was doing and that his actions were inappropriate. He had told her that he loved her. They'd kissed and then...just as he'd pushed her against the wall, she had pulled away. She had told him they couldn't do this. She had told him that no less than an hour ago...she had given into James Potter and they were slowly becoming an item. She had apologized and left, leaving him then dumbstruck. He hadn't spoken to her for two months. Every time she tried, he would walk away. Eventually, he had started to miss her and approached her. He had tried to convince her James was a pathetic wanker who didn't deserve and then she didn't talk to him for two months.

They never spoke about that night and they certainly never spoke about their feelings again. Until now.

"Well, I wouldn't to ruin your happiness." Severus spat the words out as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. Honestly. He couldn't help. What did she expect? Had she really come here to tell him they couldn't see each other again and to flaunt her happiness at him? What did Potter have that he didn't?

"Please don't be like that." Lily was whispering now and she took a step forward. The moment she did, he took a step back. He didn't want her to come too close. They had been close before. They had hugged as friends. They had sat together, she had even sat on his lap, but during those times...during those times, he had been living off of the fact there was always a chance that one day, they would be together. Right now, right here, he knew there was no chance and he could not stand the thought of her being so close to him and him unable to reach out and hold her, too scared of rejection, too scared she would push him away. Just like everyone else he had loved in his life, such as his parents.

Lily noticed the way he moved back and hung her head down, eyes staring at the carpeted floor of Severus' house. She was still currently living with her parents – though looking for a place with James, something she had failed to tell Severus. Some things he didn't need to know. However, Severus was living free and on his own. He had been since leaving school. Before coming back for his seventh year, his alcoholic father had told him never to come back and Severus didn't. He spent his whole year at Hogwarts, taking no holidays and searching for somewhere to live before he left. Thankfully, he found a place. It wasn't anything special, but it was all he could afford and it was...peaceful. No longer did he have to listen to his parent's arguing or their ridicule towards him. Her bare feet – shoes off at the door in Severus' place – shuffled around, feeling the carpet underneath her toes, trying to focus on something. "Aren't you happy for me?" She whispered, finally looking back up at him. She was his friend. She was happy. Didn't that mean he was pleased for her?

"Happy?" Severus repeated the word in an incredulous way. "Lily, you may ask me to do a lot of things. You may ask me to pretend that I do not care, you may ask me to nod and agree and you may ask me never to contact you again, but you know, _you know_ that I cannot be happy for you. Potter is nothing but a selfish git. You can do so much better, you can – "

"I will not stand here and listen to you insult him!" She was angry now. The pleading look had faded from her eyes and she was glaring at him, her eyebrows knitted down into a frown. "James is a good man and he treats me right! I know he might not be perfect and believe me, I understand that you have your reasons to dislike him – "

"The boy bullied me for years on end for pleasure." His tone was nothing but a drawl, monotone and emotionless as he reminded her of what her precious boyfriend had done to him for so many years.

Lily fell silent and bit on her bottom lip. One hand lifted, slender fingers running through her waves of hair, gripping at them tighter than usual as she tried to think of what to say. There was nothing she could say. This conversation was hurting her just as much as it was hurting him. She remembered the day he had kissed her drunkenly, the day he had told her he was 'irrevocably in love with her'. If only he had done so a day earlier; an hour earlier. Things could have been so different. It could be James she was standing here with, telling him never to – no! What on earth was she thinking? She loved James. Yes. She did.

She just loved Severus more.

"I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you to your face..." She took a step back, before turning completely, moving towards the door.

Severus didn't want her to leave. He knew it was for the best, but he didn't want her to. "Lily, wait – "He moved forward without thinking and his strides were a lot longer than her petite steps. Within seconds he was behind her and his hand had snaked forward, snatching hold of her wrist to stop her from walking out that door, to stop her from walking away from him and out of his life for good.

Lily turned around, looking rather shocked at the sudden physical contact. She didn't pull her wrist away though. All she could do was stare at him, almost begging him to let her go. "Severus." She whispered. There was something different in her voice now; she sounded as if she cared for him. As if she loved him. She sounded hurt and her voice sounded strained, as if she were forcing herself to do this. "Please don't make this any harder than it is. I'm with James."

Severus wasn't sure what to say. "Why? You hated him for so long. What suddenly changed? I mean...I don't understand!" He let go of her wrist, turning his back on her while both hands lifted to rest on the back of his head, his eyes closing as he breathed deeply, trying to ignore everything that was happening. He wanted to gain control before he said something he regretted, before he said the truth. The truth that he had only spilt once and had vowed never to spill again.

"He changed." Lily had tried to tell him this so many times, but Severus refused to accept it. He would never believe James to be a good man. James didn't deserve respect. "You know I would not have put up with him if he was the way he used to be. He's different now. He is a nice person, he is a great – "She stopped because she could tell by the way Severus' hands had moved away from his hair to cover his ears that he did not care, that he was not listening. She licked her bottom lip nervously before moving forward. She hadn't wanted to bring this up, but she knew she had to. "Is this about what you told me? Do you still – "

Severus spun around, staring at her with a slightly horrified, offended look on his face. "No." He quickly lied, but the lie was so easy to see.

"You can't keep avoiding it, Severus." Lily was determined. He had brushed this topic away so many times and she had let him, but not this time. Not anymore. They were going to face up to it; he was going to face up to it. She would make him. "You told me you loved me; I can't just – "

"I was drunk." Severus hissed. His words were cruel and he intended for them to be. Right now, he wanted to hurt her as much as she was hurting him. He knew he would regret it and already he was feeling bad, but he couldn't help himself. He took two strides forward, standing so close to her, she had to look up at him – he was much taller than her – and she could feel the heat emitting off of his body. He glared down at her over his hooked nose, hair falling over his eyes. She wanted to reach up and push it away, but she didn't. His lips were pursed, making his cheek bones look more defined than they already were. He looked angry, hurt...and quite honestly, he looked as if he hated her.

"So...you didn't mean it?" Her voice was timid. She looked crest fallen and her eyes were glistening again. She knew she should be relieved to hear that he didn't love her. That made things easier, didn't it? But she didn't. She felt...she felt as if he had just hit her in the face. It felt horrible. Her gut sank and a lump made it hard for her to swallow.

Severus saw the hurt in her eyes and immediately regretted being mean. He wanted to tell her that no, he didn't mean it, just so they could be done with this madness. He couldn't though. Seeing that look in her eyes...did that mean she wanted him to feel like that? Why? Did she enjoy his affection; did the thrill of having two men after her excite her? Or...or did she want him to love her because she in return loved him? "I meant every word." His voice was husky as he whispered his words so quietly they were barely audible.

Lily didn't know what to say. She just stared at him. Now relief was washing over her and that was when she realized it was a mistake to come here; it was a mistake to put herself in such a vulnerable position. It was a mistake to bring this whole conversation up, but it was too late to go back now. "Severus...we can't...you know it wouldn't work. We would only end up hurting each other, we – "

"I know." He didn't want her to carry on. She would only say what he thought. They could never work out. She was right. Even if she didn't end up hurting her, he would end up hurting him. "I know all of this. I've known it for a long time now. But that doesn't change a thing. Lily, I lo – "

"Don't." Lily shook her head. Her heart was thumping in her chest. Her palms were growing sweaty. She was feeling so many emotions right now and she didn't know which one to deal with first. All she knew was she couldn't stand to hear him say those three little words. If he did...she wasn't sure if she would be able to walk away.

Severus hung his head down, avoiding eye contact with her. Her mind was made up and he knew there was no changing it. When she had come here tonight to tell him that they could not see each other again, she meant it. She would not be coming back after this. This was the last time he was going to see her; the last time he would see her eyes light up, the last time he would see her smile. Except she wasn't even doing that. Looking back up, all he could do was watch her and slowly, his hand lifted. It brushed hair away from her eyes, before resting on her cheek, thumb brushing a fallen tear away. "I won't say it." He reassured her. If she didn't want to hear it, he wouldn't tell her. "But tell me one thing. If I had told you sooner...would things...have been different? Would we have been different?"

Lily's eyes closed and she felt herself leaning into her hand, nuzzling his palm. His question rung around in her ears and after a few moments, her eyes opened, staring at him. "Maybe. But...I guess we'll never know." She took a step back, clearing her throat, hands lifting to rub her damp cheeks dry. "I should go. My mother will be wondering where I am." She whispered. Moving forward, one hand leant against his chest and she leant up on tip toes, her lips pressing softly against his cheek.

His own eyes close as he felt the warmth of mouth so close to his, but yet so far away. This was killing him. It was destroying him. Was this really going to be the last time he saw her; the last chance he ever got? Something inside of him seemed to...change suddenly. If this was their last moment, then he had to do something. He had to just take a risk, take a chance. He had to at least look back and say he tried rather than just let her go without a fight. Just as she was pulling away, Severus' hand lifted and he snatched the back of her head in his grip. His fingers curled into the red mane, gripping it tightly and yanking her face towards his. His lips crushed against his rather roughly, his eyes shutting tight and she whimpered underneath him. She wriggled, her hands lifting and pressed against his chest, trying to push him away, but he was a lot stronger than her.

It wasn't that she didn't want this. It was that she did want this. She shouldn't be doing it. She couldn't do it to James. But oh god, his lips were so warm, so needing and so...no, James was the one she was with. James was the one she had decided to stay with. Severus refused to let her go though; he had seen that shimmer of emotion in her eyes and he knew there was something there, there was – "Fuck!" He hissed as Lily pelted her fist into one his shoulders. His hand released her hair and he stumbled back. His own lips were sore from how desperate and rough his kiss had been.

Lily's hand lifted to cover her mouth and she just stared him, looking completely horrified.

Severus felt crushed. She hadn't wanted it. Clearly he had just imagined the shimmer of emotion to make himself feel better, to comfort himself. "Lily, I – "But that was all he said, because he hadn't realized how wrong he was. Before he had a chance to finish his sentence, Lily had let her hand fall away from her mouth and she had moved quickly towards him. One arm wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him down to her and her own lips smashed against his in a longing kiss – a kiss she had spent forever holding back. She knew it was wrong, she knew she shouldn't be doing it, but the passion she felt for Severus was so strong and she had spent so long ignoring it.

Sometimes when you caged the beast, the beast was more vicious once it was finally released.

This was one of those cases.

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Author's Note; Okay so that's the first chapter! And the second chapter will be continuing on straight from this chapter and yes it will be the smuttiest chapter out of all three (if there even after three). Please review. I have no idea if I even like this.


	2. Keep me in your memory

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and I do not make any money from these writings

Disclaimer; I do not own Harry Potter and I do not make any money from these writings.

Author's Note; I AM LOOKING FOR A BETA READER. Any options? *puppy dog eyes*  
Okay this was a lot longer than I thought it would be...I guess I got carried away.  
It turned out to only be two chapters! There won't be a third chapter. :] This is it. I hope you enjoy and please review!

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It had been just seconds ago when Lily had lunged at him, when she had kissed him after pushing him away. He was confused, but he wasn't confused enough to pull back and question her. He was too scared that if he did, she would realize what she was doing and pull away. Instead, his hand lifted, fingers losing themselves in her hair again, holding her face harshly to his, his lips pushing fiercer against hers, his tongue slipping out of his mouth and gliding along her bottom lip, demanding entrance but refusing to take it unless she gave consent. He wanted to be in control, but he was scared to take it. He was scared the second he went too far, she would punch him again, force him away again and tell him to fuck the hell off. He couldn't stand the thought of Lily Evans rejecting him more than she already had. He had never felt so vulnerable before, never felt so nervous.

He had imagined kissing Lily so many times, but it was so much better to be doing so in real life. He had forgotten about everything for now. He had forgotten about how she was leaving, about the fact he had his responsibilities and she had heard. All he could focus on was the proximity of her body. The way her lips were hungrily attacking his.

Lily had no idea what she was doing. Like Severus, she had imagined a moment like this several times, but she never thought it would happen. His kisses were so...passionate. His lips felt nothing like James'. James had experience yes, but...she supposed that was the problem. As much as she enjoyed his touch – god, she loved his touch, she couldn't deny that – but every time he did touch her, every time he did kiss her...a small part of her squirmed inside because she knew how many girls he had been with, how many lips his mouth had kissed, how many breasts his hands had caressed. Had Severus been with a female before? They had never spoken about it. She supposed there must have been one night where one of those Slytherin girls must have looked too tempting to resist – oh god. His tongue was gliding along her bottom lip and her brain went fuzzy. Her thoughts died away and she instantly let her lips part, allowing him entrance.

Severus didn't hesitate. His tongue plunged into her mouth and he forcefully pushed it against hers, massaging it and despite the desperation inside of him, his intentions were caring, his massage more of a caress rather than a ruthless attack. Lily felt herself melt at the feeling of his tongue pressed against hers and she didn't bother to try and fight it, didn't bother to try and tease him. Sometimes she would do that to James. Flitter her tongue away from him and make him catch it. No; she couldn't think about James. It made a great feeling of guilt stab her in the gut – apparently not sharp enough to make her pull away though. Not only that, but she didn't want to tease Severus. She wanted him to have her, to take her; she wanted their tongues to entwine. She didn't want to run from him like she had wasted so many years doing.

Oh god, what was she thinking? This was insane. She had come here tonight to escape him and doing something like this would only make things worse. How far would they go...she felt ashamed when she realized how far she wanted it to go. His tongue withdrew from her mouth and his teeth bit down on her bottom lip – it wasn't hard, but gentle as he nibbled playfully, but sensually. The feeling managed to make a groan escape her mouth and the noise vibrated against his lips, causing the demon of lust to stir inside of him. The fact that he had made her moan...there was no other feeling better than that.

Both of them were panting for breath as the kiss was broken, his teeth releasing her bottom lip from its trap. His forehead fell down, resting against hers and both of them had their eyes shut still. Neither of them wanted to open their eyes. Both of them were terrified that if they did, they would discover that such a powerful kiss had all been in their imagination; that the intense moment had never existed. "Severus..." She breathed out, followed by another pant as she took in oxygen which her lungs were demanding for.

Finally, his eyelids fluttered open, just at the same time as hers did. She forgot what she had been about to say the moment their eyes met. She stared into the dark orbs, which were so uninviting compared to her warm gems. Their pants slowly began to fade away, but their heart rates refused to slow down, still pounding against their chests as if demanding to be released from the prison of their body. It was obvious then that both of them wanted this, no matter how wrong it was and without warning, both of them moved forward, lips crashing together once more. This time, Severus had no time to caress with care. He had longed for this moment forever and if was still going to be the last time he saw Lily, he would make sure their farewell was one neither of them would forget.

His hand released the grip of her hair and both of his hands trailed down her sides. Lily's body reacted to his feathery stroke, her back arching so that her breasts pushed up against him. His lips pushed harder against hers when he felt this and his tongue forced through the parting of her lips without wasting time asking for permission. His tongue ran along the root of her mouth and he felt her body shiver against him.

Strong hands reached gripped her hips, fingers pressing into the annoying denim jeans that covered her legs as he tugged her forward. His lower regions were screaming for her, despite the fact they had barely begun – that was just how long he had wanted her for. She could clearly feel these screams as well, because as he tugged her forward, their waists banged together, hip bones meeting, causing him to buck forward and grind into her. The thin, chequered pyjama bottoms that she had caught him in did nothing to hide him.

Then suddenly she was gone. A gush of cold air washed over him as Lily leapt away, breaking the kiss, stumbling backwards as if he had just shocked her. She was breathless and her body was shaking while she desperately tried to ignore the damp feeling inside of her underwear, tried to ignore the way her body screamed at her to return to Severus. Their bodies meshed so well together...No. There was a reason she had pulled away. "Severus, maybe we should..." She panted out, one hand touching her forehead as she tried to get a grip of herself. She had a boyfriend. She had a boyfriend! And if they let this get too far, if they spent the night together, what then? It would still never work! It would only make things harder. "Maybe we should think about this."

"Lily." Severus groaned a slight whine to his voice as he tilted his head backwards, swearing to the big man upstairs for torturing him like this before slowly moving towards her. One hand lightly touched her arm before he slowly moved to stand behind her. His hand stroked down her arm whiles his head bent down, lips pressing against her neck. "Lily..." This time he didn't sound like a sulky teenager. His voice was husky, seductive and full of longing. "What could there possibly be to think about?" His breath was hot against the flesh of her neck and he moved closer to her ear, nibbling on the lobe.

Lily felt her breath get raspier again, though it caught in her throat when she felt his nips. Her eyes closed and her head automatically fell to one side to leave that side of her neck exposed for him. "There's...there's a lot to...to con...consider..." She managed to stutter out, though she was slowly beginning to lose focus easily.

Severus' hand moved back up her arm and he gently pulled her coat off of her. She didn't even seem to notice as it tumbled to the floor, covering his feet. She stood there in her jeans and a white vest top which didn't do much to hide her pert breasts. The sight made Severus want to groan, but he didn't. Instead, he began to kiss down her neck and as he reached her shoulder, his slightly hooked nose knocked one of the thin sleeves off so that it fell down her arm rather than rest on her shoulder. He then nipped her shoulder playfully.

"I want you." He murmured. He placed another kiss on the flesh of her shoulder, before moving back towards her neck. "You want me." Almost as if to prove this, one of his hands trailed down her back, making her spine tinge. It ran over one cheek of her denim-clad ass, before moving in between the small parting of her legs. The palm of his hand rubbed her hard through the trousers and she gasped loudly at the feeling. "There's nothing to consider. You came here to say goodbye." His hand cruelly abandoned her lower regions, both hands settling on either side of shoulders to stir her around so she was facing him. All she could do was stare at him, lips parted ever so slightly and eyes glazed over – this time not with tears, but with desire. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to me properly?" He concluded, one eyebrow lifting. He couldn't help but smirk; it was the smirk that had always irritated Lily. So cocky, so arrogant...and right now, so goddamn fucking sexy. That was it. Lily didn't need any more convincing.

She groaned in a way that sounded like pleasure but at the same time, oddly like defeat, pushing her lips to his once more, breathing in deeply through her nose. As she did so, her hands trailed down his chest, before stopping at the edge of his shirt. Her heart was threatening to leave her chest any second now and breathing was so difficult. Her knees were shaking and she couldn't help but feel nervous, despite the amount of desire she was feeling. She had been with one man; James. It wasn't as if she was experienced. Then again saying that, she had no idea how experienced Severus was either. She didn't want to know because right now, with his lips on hers, she liked to think she was the only one who had got him this hot and bothered. She could never think that with James after his well known playboy ways.

Her hands snatched hold of his shirt and she pulled her lips away from his, leaning her body away slightly just so she could pull the shirt up. She yanked it over his head and threw it the other side before forcing her lips to his again. He pressed himself into her, his muscular chest squashing her breasts against his while his hands roamed her body, unsure of what to explore first. In the end, they landed on her ass and he squeezed it gently, before moving down to grab hold of her thighs. He lifted her easily and automatically, her legs – strong from ballet lessons every summer – wrapped around his waist, gripping hold of him. This caused his erection to dig into her and she groaned against his mouth. In response, he groaned back, their vibrations blending together.

His hands cupped her ass to support her and he moved forward, stumbling in his rush but being very careful not to drop her. Unable to continue the kiss while carrying her without it getting sloppy, his lips departed from hers, but didn't abandon her completely. Instead, he left rushed and wet kisses over her jaw line, moving down her neck. He desperately wanted to take some of the flesh into his mouth and suck, knowing the feeling was erotic for a woman – or at least, that's what he had read somewhere. However, he wasn't stupid enough to mark her. While thinking about Potter was enough to make his enlarged penis shrivel back down to a soft one, he had to remember there was another man involved and leaving a love bite would only cause unwanted drama for his darling Lily.

The bedroom was too far away from Severus' liking and therefore, they ended up in the kitchen which had been closer. One hand still supporting her by her ass, his arm reached forward towards the dining table to push everything off of it. Plates smashed as they tumbled to the floor, papers flew everywhere and he even wasted a bottle of butter beer, the liquid now beginning to spread out on the tiled floor. He didn't care though. The moment it was clear, he lowered her down onto it in a sitting position. Her legs remained wrapped around him, pulling him closer to her, his erection still pressing against her, begging for release, begging for her entrance.

His head pulled back and his hands snatched hold of the bottom of the vest, pulling it up over her head and throwing it down, just missing the pool of butter beer. His eyes went wide as he took her in; he had never seen her so bare before and she was only half naked. The sight was beautiful. Her breasts were so round, so well developed and looking even more delightful thanks to the plunge push up bra she was wearing.

Lily couldn't help but blush underneath his stare. She had never been like this in front of him, so open and revealed. So exposed. She very nearly brought her arms up to cover herself, almost feeling like a fool, scared he would not like what he saw. Her hands were pressed against his chest now, resting there rather still, her eyes taking in the muscular body he kept well hidden, before slowly glancing back up to look at his face. Almost as if he had sensed her worries, seen the way her cheeks darkened crimson, Severus made eye contact with her and grinned. He lowered his head, lips kissing her collarbone before his tongue rolled out; he licked downwards, licking down the middle of her breasts, until he was rudely stopped by the bra that kept her assets tamed.

Not happy with the interruption, he kept his head down, but his hand reached behind her to get rid of her bra. He seemed to struggle with the clasp in his hurry though. With a groan of frustration, he lifted his head, a determined frown on his face as his other hand reached behind to help. Why were bras so tricky? Honestly. He didn't even see the point in them. It should be natural or nothing at all and situations like these were the reason why. Lily couldn't help but giggle and he tried to glare at her, but he couldn't. It was impossible to glare at her in a situation like this. Finally! The clasp came undone and he yanked the treacherous white lace material off of her, throwing it over his shoulder with a look of triumph.

Lily giggled some more at the way he seemed so proud of himself, but her giggles became a gasp as his mouth found her left breast. His tongue licked across her left nipple and she groaned. One hand lifted to rest on the back of his head, pressing him further against her, while her back arched, pressing her breasts closer to him. He didn't seem to mind; Severus enjoyed a face full of Lily's breast. His teeth nipped at her playfully and her eyes closed, unable to stay open. One leg fell away from his waist where she was distracted, but the other one stayed wrapped around. He sucked, a little harder than James ever had done and it kind of hurt, but the pleasure mixed with the pain and Lily found that the sadistic part of her enjoyed it, her fingers taking a fist full of hair as if to return the lustful pain. He groaned against her breast and the vibrations made her pants damp even more – they were so wet now they felt as if she had been swimming in them.

"Severus..." Lily gasped, suddenly feeling that his hand was fondling the other breast, as if he didn't want to leave one out. As nice as it felt, she didn't want his hands there. All this teasing was driving her crazy. She wanted them lower; she wanted him lower. His hands, his mouth, his penis...anything. She just longed for him to be there, to be somehow part of her, to have some part of him inside of her. The hand that held a fistful of his hair and pulled his head away from her breast and he hissed slightly in pain, but before he could complain, she had then pulled his face forward and crushed their lips together. Their mouths devoured each other, tasted each other and her hand released his hair.

Both of her petite hands moved to the hem of his pyjama bottoms and she let one hand slip underneath them. She pleasantly found he wasn't wearing any underwear and her hand was welcomed by the throbbing member that had been rudely pressed against her, but not into her. Her fingers closed around it and she offered him nothing more than few teasing strokes. Severus' lips pulled away from her and his head tilted back, a small moan emitting from his lips as her feathery, taunting touch. He then growled in frustration, apparently not enjoying being teased. He brought his head back to look at her and she smiled innocent. Her smile drove him mad and his hands moved to the top of her jeans, fingering the button open. Her legs immediately stretched out so he could pull the material from her legs, leaning back against her elbows and soon she was left in nothing but French underwear made from white lace, no pubic hair visible through the see through underwear to hint that she was one of those girls that shaved.

Severus cock twitched in her hand at the sight of it. Lily swallowed hard, before pulling her hand out of his trousers. She pushed herself to her feet, despite the fact her legs were shaking and threatening to not hold her weight up. Once she was up, her hands snatched hold of his bottoms and yanked them down, having to kneel down to get them all the way down, before standing back up straight, leaving him naked, leaving her with the most clothing on. Severus kicked the trousers away from him and his tongue licked his lips in a hungry way as his eyes roamed her body, which was more open to him now that she was standing up. She was amazing; so beautiful, curved in the right areas, but her stomach nothing but slim. Her skin was a glorious pale and even through the lace underwear, he could see how wet she was for him, her juices glistening against her thighs slightly.

He leant forward, his lips kissing her lips once before moving down her jaw line. "Get back on the table." He ordered, but his command was soft, as if to show she had a choice. She didn't want a choice though. Without needing to be told twice, Lily had lifted herself back on the table. She had gone to wrap her legs around his waist, but Severus grabbed her knees and shook his head, forcing her legs back down and parting them. His forehead was glistening with sweat now from how aroused he was, but he wanted to do something before they lost themselves in each other. Something he had wanted to do for a long time. Lily looked confused when he stopped her, almost hurt. Did he not want this anymore? Her confusion faded away when she felt his lips brush over her chest, his tongue licked over one nipple before then sensual running down her navel, it dipped into her belly button and by now, Severus was on his knees in front of her, his face in perfect line of her – Oh. That was when she realized what Severus was going to do.

No man had been there before in that way. Yes, she'd had sex with James. They had fore played before they had, but...he had never dared put his mouth there. She wasn't sure why. She supposed he was just one of those boys who didn't like it which was a bit hypocritical considering he asked Lily for it all the time. She said no each time, of course.

Severus looked up at her and he couldn't help but smirk at how shocked she looked. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at him and he could see the anticipation on her face urging him on. Her breasts were lifting up and down as she breathed in heavily and her hands were gripping the edge of the table so hard, her knuckles were going whiter. He had only ever imagined Lily like this in his dreams; practically naked, staring at him...wanting him. He moved his head forward and rather skilfully, his teeth grazed against her hip, before taking hold of the top of her underwear. He bit down on the fabric and very slowly, he began to pull it down using his teeth, dragging it down her legs. Eventually, he reached her ankles and let go, his hand swiping them off of her feet and throwing them to the side. His mouth than pressed a kiss to her ankle, before moving up her leg. He trailed a circle around her knee, before moving up her thigh, nipping every now and then at certain parts of the flesh. Lily was panting now and every single pant made him long to be inside her, but he kept up his self control.

He was finally greeted by the inviting sight of her glistening womanhood, so wet it was practically begging for him. He licked his lips again, before lunging his head forward. His tongue ran down her slit and she cried out, falling backwards. Her back fell against the table, her head hanging over the edge slightly, but she didn't seem the notice. Her legs spread wider, one even lifting to rest on his shoulder in an attempt to give him more access. His hand lifted and while he sucked around her engorged clit, one finger trailer down her slit, before slipping inside of her. She moaned this time, her moan loud and echoing off the walls of the kitchen.

So much pleasure was coursing through Lily's body right now and she had grown incredibly hot. The smell of her arousal was beginning to overtake the smell of spilt butter beer. His mouth was doing glorious thing and so was his hand. Another finger inserted inside of her and he was pumping in and out of her. His tongue lashed across her clit and she threw her head to one side. Her hips arched up, pushing his fingers in further and her eyes clenched tight at the feeling. "Oh dear lord..." She gasped, her voice more high pitched than usual. Removing his fingers, Severus then let his tongue trail up her slit for the second time. God, she tasted delicious. His tongue plunged inside of her and once again, nothing but a cry of pleasure bounced around the room. He lavished her, slipping his tongue and out, his fingers now working on her clit. He would make sure this farewell was unforgettable and while he would never admit it...he also felt like he had to compete against James, felt as if he had to be better than Potter. It was always going to be like that for poor Sev.

Lily couldn't take it anymore. Her body shook and she felt warmth in her lower stomach. She felt as if her body had exploded. Her flesh tingled and her lips parted to release a long moan. The noise rang out in Severus' ears and he felt her orgasm, felt her come for him. He didn't hesitate to lick her clean, his mouth moving its way around her, enjoying the glorious drink she had just offered him. Once he was done, he looked up, pushing himself back to his feet, grinning at her with lips that still had her juices over her. He admired the view that he got; Lily lying there, spread out on his table, red hair clinging to her sweaty face, legs spread wide open for him and her breasts heaving up and down so much they had a strange bounce to them. Her eyes were closed and her orgasm was still fresh on her face. No sight was more beautiful. He wanted to remember this memory forever – and he would.

The redheaded female felt his eyes staring at her and slowly, she let her eyelids flutter open. Her body was shaking from everything and gently, she pulled herself up, propping herself onto her elbows. All she could for a few moments was stare at him, amazed by how he had just made her feel. She was certain she had never felt pleasure like that before; she had never felt so wanted, so loved and now, as he licked his lips for her to see, she felt herself tingle in between her legs. She might have reached her peek, but she was not fully satisfied yet. She still had to have him completely. "Come here." She sounded so shy as she whispered those two words, so timid and weak. Whether that was to do with her stability right now or if she truly was nervous, Severus wasn't sure, but it sounded hot either way.

He moved forward and he positioned himself in between her legs. He didn't enter her yet; just let his head rub against her. His eyes stared down at her and as she shuffled forward to try and get him in, he smirked, merely pulling his hips back slightly to deny her that. She pouted and he felt himself twitch at the sight. Leaning down slightly, but keeping balance, his lips hovered just next to hers. "Tell me you want me." He whispered. He had to hear it. He wasn't sure why, but he had to hear her say it. She had said to him so many times in her dreams...

"I want you." Lily obeyed immediately. She leaned forward to kiss him, before he moved his lips just a small fraction away.

"Tell me you need me."

"I need you." What was he doing? Trying to drive her insane?

"Tell me..." He hesitated for a few moments. Was it really smart to go there? He wasn't sure. But none of this was smart. "Tell me you love me."

Lily hadn't expected that. She didn't pull away or tell him to fuck off. Her body froze and her eyes just stared at him. She felt his erection still grazing against her and that was a rather big distraction – literally, rather big. She tried not to focus on it though and bit her lip nervously. After a few seconds, she leaned forward, kissing him softly, slowly...tenderly, before pulling away. "I love you." She whispered against them. She was not lying. She had loved him for ages. That was always the problem.

Severus had heard enough. He couldn't hold back anymore; hearing her whisper those words made him feel...well, there wasn't any way he could possibly describe it. He pressed his face forward, his lips meshing together with hers and she groaned softly at the desperation in his mouth. His hand moved to direct his cock and without warning, he entered her completely, sinking into her sheath, his lips parting from hers to groan loudly – he hadn't expected her to be that tight. He had felt how tight she was when his fingers and tongue had slipped into her, but...god, it felt amazing when he himself was inside of her. Her breathing instantly became laboured and her legs lifted, wrapping around his waist and drawing him closer to her. She rolled her hips into and both of them groaned at the feeling. "Take me." She whimpered afterwards.

The dark haired man lifted one hand and he wiped his forehead, pushing hair away from his eyes before nodding. He leant down and his lips met her neck, nipping at the flesh. His hands took hold of her hips to hold her there, before pulling out of her. He thrust back in and her elbows fell away from underneath her, causing her back to press against the wood of the table once more. God, he was incredible. Having him be one with her felt better than she could possibly imagine. Her body was screaming with pleasure, throbbing with ecstasy and she was certain no man had ever made her scream the way he was making her.

He continued his thrusts, his eyes shut as he pumped in and out of her tight hole. His own body soared with a feeling that he was certain had no word. There was no word strong enough or good enough to describe this. Sweat slicked over both of their bodies in a faint sheen, but it wasn't bad sweat; it was sweat to show their appreciation, to show how much their body was enjoying it. He leant further down so that his lips could reach her breasts, being careful not to lose his footing or his focus. Her hips suddenly lifted to meet his once she had grown used to the speed he was going and the feeling was incredible. He groaned against the flesh of her collar bone and she responded by whispering out his name. She repeated it over and over, but her whispers became moans and her moans became cries.

"Oh god!" He moaned himself, his tongue slicing across her erect nipple. However, her hips lifted up to his once more and he couldn't focus. His vision went blurry and his head fell forward, sweaty forehead resting in between the nape of her breasts, his pants of air hot against her flesh. Her hands lifted, tangling themselves up in his long hair. His thrusts got harder and she matched, forcing her hips up into his, their skin beginning to slap together, making noises. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He was so ready to release, but he didn't want to. He didn't want this to end; he didn't want this to be over. He wanted this to continue forever and a day. He wanted her to be his. He wanted to be inside of her every night; he wanted to wake up to her in the morning. Sadness overcame him – even at a time like this – because he knew he couldn't. He knew this was the only time he would ever be this close to her.

Lily knew it too and she was biting down on her bottom lip so hard, it had drawn blood. She wanted to cry, but at the same time, she wanted to smile. She was feeling so much pleasure, so much desire...but at the same time, this was killing her because she knew it was a once in a lifetime thing. Her hands gripped tighter at his hair as he suddenly hit the sensitive area. Her thoughts went dazed and her eyes snapped open in shock. "Fuck!" It was so unlike her to swear and it sounded so over pronounced because her well spoken against. "Harder!" She demanded, her hands abandoning his hair, running down his back, fingernails scratching him slightly. It was unlike a proper girl like her to be rough, but she couldn't help it. He followed her demands, realizing he had hit her spot and he tried to keep that angle, slamming into her. He didn't want to hurt her, but it seemed right now, pain was the last thing she was worried about.

"Oh god! Sev – Severus!" She stuttered out his name one last time and then she felt her body explode for the second time that night. She exploded right there on his kitchen table. Her juices washed over his cock and he continued to push into her. Her muscles clenched around him and Severus gasped, "Shit, Lily." She was tight to begin with, but when she clenched...it was enough to make him reach his own peak. He spilled himself into her, his warm seed filling her completely and he rode out his orgasm, continuing his thrusts, though they became softer, beginning to slow down. Her body crumbled underneath him, shuddering slightly as her orgasm finished. Her hands fell away from his back, arms laying flat on the table. Her legs stayed wrapped around him, but they loosened, the muscles hurting from how tight she had been gripped to him.

Severus' own body collapsed. He fell on top of her, still inside of her as he buried his face in her neck. They both panted for breath, their heart beats pounding furiously. For a few moments, they were silent, only their pants being heard. Neither of them dare speak; they didn't want to ruin the moment. The glorious moment that they had dreamt about so long. Eventually though, Severus lifted his head, staring down at her. She stared straight back. His hand lifted, pushing red locks away from her cheek where they were sticking to her face slightly. "You're beautiful." He told her. It was unlike him to be so sweet, so honest, but he couldn't help it. Lily always brought out a side of him that no one else saw.

His words brought tears to her eyes, because she knew...she knew she would be the one to walk away. She could see it in his eyes; he wanted this to last. Damnit, she wanted this to last. It couldn't though. As said before; they would both just end up hurt. For now though, they enjoyed the night they had left. Severus picked her up in his arms, his tired body managing to carry her light weight to his bedroom. She held onto him, snuggled to him and he kept her tight in his arms, whispering sweet nothings to her until she fell asleep. He watched her sleep for a while; she looked so peaceful, so at ease...maybe in the morning he could talk to her. Convince her they could make this work somehow. He fell asleep, smiling at that thought. Except, when he woke up, she was gone. All that was left was a note saying 'I'm sorry'. She had left it on the kitchen table.

* * *

There was a bright flash of light and Professor Snape stumbled as he was released from the pensive. His cheeks were damp; he had been crying. His hair was ruffled from his journey and his robes slightly creased. For a few moments, all he could do was stand there and stare at the gateway to his most passionate memory. He remembered that night so clearly. The way she had moaned his name. The way she had told him she loved him. The way she had tasted, the tight sheath...the pain he felt when he woke up and she was gone. Lily Evans had been the only woman he ever loved. She always would be.

And he would never forgive himself for letting her die. He should have protected her. He should have chased after her and told her he loved her; instead, he woke up to the note and let her go. He let her carry on with her life because he thought that was what she wanted. He had no idea – not even now – that she waited for him to turn up and fight for her. He never did though. He regretted that now. He regretted it so much. And on that note, he stepped towards the pensive once more, heading towards the one memory that was slowly driving him insane; that night with Lily.

* * *

Author's Note; *tear* I feel so mean. D:  
If you don't hate me for being mean to Sevvy at the end, please review? xD


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